I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
