y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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