so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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