Umm I'm too high to move.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
