Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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