guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
