I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
