WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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