Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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