Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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