Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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