I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We have started to decorate penises.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
