Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Never joke about your clitoris.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
