She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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