my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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