Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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