Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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