Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
