this boner is exhausting
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
