Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
