Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
