wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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