nut hugger
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
