I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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