Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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