good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
