So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
