It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
