i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
