I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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