we made out on top of his cat.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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