dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
