that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
