even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
