Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
