Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
