Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
