Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
