it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
