explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I could fuck to npr.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
