a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
