whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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