Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
