Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
