It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
