well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
