It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
COCAINE IS GR8
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
