my sisters under your porch take her home
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
