Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
