1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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