Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
