I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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