After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
