we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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