That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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