This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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