i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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