I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
sex in a hospital.. check
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
