$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
