Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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