You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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