Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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