Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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