i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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