If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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